Into the Deep Read online

  Chapter Ten

  School Monday is a blur.

  I ache all over from the attack and my red, swollen neck has to be hidden behind a trendy scarf. It’s a full-time job to not wince or cry out in pain. Not to mention, it was my second sleepless night chased by terror filled dreams and my artificial leg feels like it weighs a thousand pounds.

  I keep the incident with the eels and Kona from Charlotte. For some reason, I consider last night a failed mission, one I won’t share with anyone. Revealing how badly I wanted to dive into the ocean is only going to remind me, tempt me. So I only repeat the fantasy story Mom told.

  “Wow, I can’t believe your mom hooked up with a mermaid,” she says in wonder as we sit under a tree during lunch. “If I hadn’t actually seen you change, I’d suggest she was crazy. And she was out there searching for him when you had your accident. No wonder she’s so guilty and protective.”

  My friend treats me the same, which is a relief. I knew I could count on her and it puts some of my fears to rest. But I’ve changed. All day the lights have been too bright, the sounds too harsh. I can’t help comparing it to the place I’ll never return. This dry existence doesn’t fit anymore. I’m a stranger to it.

  I sip my iced tea before answering Charlotte, staying on topic. “I’ve always wondered why she doesn’t date. Now I know. I just wish she wouldn’t have kept it from me.”

  “She was protecting you.” She pats my foot. “Besides, it’s not a simple thing to blurt out.”

  “Logically, I understand that, but it’s a little different than informing me my dad is a movie star or a senator. It’s about me not being fully human anymore. It’s a big deal.”

  “What are you going to do about it?”

  I study her with a scowl. “What do you mean?

  “Will you be a mermaid on the weekends? Don’t you want to experience this part of you?”

  “I decided to check out colleges in Kansas and Colorado,” I joke half-heartedly.

  “That’s the cowardly way out,” she states.

  “Until you’ve spent time in my shoes, you can’t judge.” I bite out, annoyed at her cavalier attitude.

  “I’m not trying to be mean. All I’m saying is you can’t walk away from this without each piece of the puzzle. What if your dad’s out there? Don’t you want to meet him?” She bit her lip. “You’re beautiful, exactly as you are, Zoey, but seeing you in that form stunned me. That is who you are supposed to be. I’m sure of it.”

  “Easy for you to say,” I mutter. “It terrifies me.”

  “You should at least do some research. If you know more, it might solve the problem and convince you to change again.”

  The genuine concern lighting up her expression causes me to hesitate. I want it. I hate the idea of turning my back completely on the ocean, even after what happened. It’s my heritage. But when I imagine being a mermaid, anxiety squeezes me by the throat, same as that eel did. It’s a deeper fear than I had in just being afraid of the water and sharks.

  I can’t answer her because I’m not sure which response will pop out, so I steer away from that landmine.

  “I’m glad you aren’t treating me like a science experiment.”

  She grins, flashing a dimple. “You’re my best friend, Zo. That hasn’t changed. The fact I think your secret is cool reflects more on my state of mind than yours. I’m happy you’re still here. High school would not be the same without you.”

  A laugh escapes. “Likewise. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

  As I say it, though, I realize it isn’t a hundred percent honest.

  I survive the day, barely. When I get home a headache is blossoming. My brain won’t shut off and it’s exhausting. On top of that, my body hurts. It yearns to change. I’m not certain how I know, but it’s there, this incessant desire to throw myself in the ocean.

  When Mom and I aren’t ignoring each other, she tells me how frightened she was the past few years. The more she explains, the more I understand what she did, but the hurt doesn’t fade. Finding out about my dad, and this other part of me, could be the best way to move past her betrayal.

  By Wednesday, I’m itching to go again. Avoiding the whole mermaid issue is driving me insane, morphing me into a crazy girl. If I can’t get in the water, then most of my problems are solved. On the other hand, if I can summon up the courage to venture in, I’ll be able to stop with the what-ifs. At the very least I have to say goodbye—to the ocean, to Kona, to that existence I could have had.

  With yet another lie to Mom, I shout I’ll be studying at Charlotte’s as I run out the door. I hate not being honest with her, but she’ll only stop me.

  Again, I choose Mission Park and pick my way to the same rock I used last time. Tonight, the rain isn’t coming down in sheets. It’s more of a mist. I stand at the very edge of the rock and stare out at the water. An entire strange world stretches out in front of me, hugging each horizon and calling to me with a song of hope, of discovery.

  A slow burn begins in my gut, spreading out to my limbs. My body wants this, desires it. It’s been telling me all week, yelling at me. But the same body is shaking like a leaf, afraid of what waits for me in the murky depths.

  Defeated, I sink down to the rigid stone, a safe distance from the churning waves, and tuck my good leg under me. I ignore the yearning and make an effort to quell the fear. I should probably give it time and wait to recover from the horrible incident.

  I hug my chest, catching no signs of the dolphin. The temperature isn’t freezing, but I’m soaked. It’s odd how one form of water can be so miserable and the other so welcoming. Bringing my crutches would have tipped Mom off that something was up, so I am resigned to the fact I’ll be wet and unable to fit my prosthetic to the stump later, either from the rain or an excursion into the sea.

  My gaze is focused on the dark horizon, out there somewhere beyond what I can see, but I hear my name on the breeze.

  “Zoey.”

  Sitting forward, I scan the waves in front of me. Off to my right, a head bobs in the water, white hair fanning out around her. A mermaid. Her orange and yellow tail glows below the surface. She’s beautiful. Smooth, unlined scales, pebbled and textured in a rich gold color accent her skin, which is a little darker than mine. It’s impossible to guess her age.

  A smile lifts her bow-shaped lips. “Hello, Zoey.”

  I’m too shocked to answer. My mouth opens and closes, not letting any sound out. This can’t be the witch, not this gorgeous creature. I manage to clear my throat and squeak, “Who are you?”

  Her lips stretch wider. “I’m Galina. Your grandmother.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I blink rapidly, struggling to quiet the pounding of my heart. This must be a dream. But I manage a better view as she swims closer. Eyes flash, so eerily familiar to mine, and my voice comes out stronger.

  “My mother told me about you. How did you know I was here?”

  “News travels fast in the ocean.” She tilts her head regally. “And a dolphin sent word that you were in danger.”

  I lean closer to the edge, careful not to let her see that I’m marred. For some reason, I’m not ready for her to know, afraid she’ll gaze at me with pity or tell my father I’m not perfect. “You got here fast.”

  “I was on my way, considering your sixteenth birthday had arrived. I hoped to be here earlier, but we had to be extra cautious.” She pauses to purse her lips. “Why are you up there and not in the water?”

  A nervous laugh bubbles up. “Where do you want me to start? Last time I turned into a mermaid I was attacked by an angry horde of eels. Up until that point it was amazing, but then I was told a merwitch might have sent the eels to hurt me.”

  Her expression is full of patience and understanding, which melts the tension sitting across my shoulders. She brushes a strand of hair out of her face as she speaks.

  “There are many dangers in the oceans these days. I won’t lie and say you’re not smart for bei
ng apprehensive. But I’m here and so are two guards from the palace.” I jerk at the word “palace.” That’s an interesting piece of news. “You’re safe with us if you want to try again.”

  Hesitation seizes me in its grip. My body is straining to dip under the soothing waters. Galina swims close and lays her hand on my leg. I hold very still so she can’t notice that it isn’t real.

  “What else is holding you back?” she whispers.

  “I’m afraid if I turn into a mermaid, even with the dangers, I’ll never want to be human again.” There, I stated my biggest fear.

  She cups my cheek and it pulls a few tears from me. “You will always have your human nature inside you. Mer are half-human after all. You grew up in a world so different from ours, but it will be with you forever and allow you to observe things in a new light.”

  I nod, soothed by her words. She confirmed what I held as my deepest hope—that I could remain part of two worlds. Gathering my courage, I say, “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  Joy softens her features. “I’m so happy to hear that. We have a lot to talk about. I’ll feel better if you’re out of the rain and not shivering.”

  She sinks as I stand to strip off my clothes and remove my leg. Unlike before, when I inched down as slowly as possible, I leap in an effortless dive. It’s full of a grace I never knew I possessed.

  The instant I’m completely underwater, I’ve already changed. I’m practically overwhelmed by the force of contentment and relief. God, I missed this. I execute a few twists and flips, then swim over to where Galina watches me with delight.

  “I guess I don’t have to worry about you taking too long to master your new form. You are a quick learner, like your father.” Her brows knit together. “But why did you hide the fact you’re missing a leg?”

  This sobers me, throwing a damper on my joy. I should have guessed she’d notice and am honest with her. “Look at you. You’re perfect. I felt embarrassed to be meeting you for the first time as myself, as scarred.”

  “Oh, my sweet child, you’ll always be lovely to me. Are you curious to know what I see? I see a brave girl who must have dealt with terrible adversity. How did it happen?”

  I consider my answer for a moment, suddenly very protective of my mom. I can’t admit to my grandmother that she was out searching for Stavros when I was hurt. It feels like a breach of trust. No matter what I long for, Galina is a stranger. So, I simply say, “A shark attack. I was six.”

  Horror skitters across her expression and she reaches out to touch my arm. “I can imagine how scary that was. Are you positive you’re ready for this? You’ve witnessed more than most how unforgiving the sea can be.”

  I nod stiffly. What I’m not ready for is talking about it. “Please, don’t tell him.” My plea comes out in a strangled whisper.

  “But why?”

  “If I ever have the chance to meet my father, I want him to see me like this and not with pity. Besides, I’d rather be the one who explains it to him.”

  “He’d never look at you with pity, but I understand. I promise. This is your tale to recount, so I will leave it to you.”

  Movement catches my attention, distracting me. Near the mouth of the small bay we’re in are two mermen—I guess that’s what they’re called. One thing is for certain. They are hot.

  The older merman is big and muscular. His arms and chest are hard, flat, with a scattering of scales across his wide shoulders. The younger guard, who’s lean with curling dark hair and skin, reminds me of a Hawaiian or Samoan. I can’t tear my gaze from him. Then, an embarrassing thought occurs. Did they hear our conversation? How mortifying.

  Swallowing the hot lump in my throat, I manage to return my attention to my grandmother, who grins knowingly. “Don’t worry, they didn’t hear. We’re too far away. Now, you probably have many questions.”

  That’s a heck of an understatement. I don’t have a clue where to begin.

  “How can we talk?” It isn’t the most pressing inquiry, but it’s what my brain chooses to spit out.

  “Water is actually a great conductor of sound. Our gills help. The vocal chords still vocalize, just in a different way. It’s more complicated than that, but the technicalities are a mystery to me. It’s one of those things that have always been.”

  “I didn’t expect it.”

  She moves a piece of algae from my hair that has drifted over. “I hope the familiarity eases your transition.”

  “Is this permanent?”

  “To be honest, it hasn’t happened too often, a half-mer, half-human child. There’s a kind of magic involved in the change, old magic, but it’s too complex to explain without more time.” She bushes the notion aside with a flick of her wrist. “In your situation, the ability to transform starts on your sixteenth birthday. You will then have a full year where you can change at will. Before you turn seventeen, you must choose one world or the other. You cannot choose after the day passes, but you can anytime prior. To put it simply, you cannot live in two worlds, even though you have two inside you.”

  I incline my head, not entirely confident I understand, but suddenly I know, without a doubt, I can’t decide on either until I experience them both, including my father.

  “And Stavros has no idea?” I ask, changing the subject to what will ultimately decide for me. “How could you do that?”

  “No, he doesn’t know about you,” Galina says, taking my hand in hers. “Although by now, he’s certainly heard rumors of a strange royal girl in his waters. I can promise you that he loved your mother and continued to pine for her. But the kingdom needed a strong king. I was afraid that if he knew about you, he’d give up his birthright. I don’t seek forgiveness for my decision. I did what I believe was justified in the moment and I had every faith in your mother to raise you.”

  “He’s married, right?” I inquire cautiously. While I’m not ready to let them both off the hook yet, I can’t imagine what played into their decisions.

  “Yes. It was a marriage of political means. I am certain I can trust you, so I will say that my son is not happy. The queen is cold and their daughter isn’t any better. It’s one of the drawbacks to being a ruler. Our hearts are often unwilling casualties. I was lucky with my marriage.”

  “I have a sister?”

  “You do, although you are nothing alike.”

  I’m not really reassured. It only increases the butterflies swarming in my stomach.

  “So, what if I want to meet him? Or at least visit parts of the kingdom? I have to understand this part of me, Galina.” My plea warbles with emotion. The urge to experience this strange world is so immense it smothers me.

  She beams at me, full of pride. “I’m so proud of you. You deserve to become familiar with this part of yourself and I’ve wondered about you every day. Always hold onto that.” She pauses a moment. “I must prepare Stavros first. We have a great deal going on at the moment.”

  “Okay,” I reply meekly. “I promise I won’t be any trouble.” The possibility of having this dangled in front of me only to be snatched away clenches my heart in a vise.

  “Of course you won’t be trouble.” She locks me with an intense gaze. “You must do one thing for me, though. Think long and hard about this. It’ll be a difficult journey and you’ll be gone for weeks, possibly months. That’s a significant amount of time to be in an unfamiliar location. No matter what you decide, you will never be the same. There are risks, too. The ocean is dangerous to someone new, as you’ve already found out.”

  “I promise.” Her reference to the eel attack ignites my curiosity. “Is it true the attack on me might have been ordered by a merwitch? Is she causing the oceans to rise and the storms?”

  Her shoulders slump. “We’re aware of the situation and doing everything in our power to stop it. Calandra continues to be a mystery to us. If she knows you exist, we must be very careful. I can’t share more, not until you choose to come with me. I also wish I can give you longer to consider this, but there are
reasons it has to be now.” She pauses. “If Calandra has heard of you, you won’t be safe. Personally, I’d feel better if you leave with us tonight.”

  Even though her answer is cryptic, I respect her reasoning, but my heart is breaking. I hadn’t realized she meant leaving now. I should have an opportunity to mull, to explain it to Mom without vanishing, but here is this magnificent creature offering me my heart’s desire.

  “If I leave with you, my mom will freak. I have to at least leave her a note.” I can’t deny that I won’t go with Galina. It’s too special to turn down. This is my chance.

  “I’ll leave Nerio here,” she indicates the younger merman. “I will depart in haste, get a head start, and return to the palace to speak with your father, to inform him of your existence. You mustn’t tell anyone who you are. You are a princess and our enemies would use that against us.”

  I swallow thickly. “A-am I in danger?”

  “No,” she rubs my arm in comfort. “You’ll be safe with Nerio and in the palace. Return once it’s dark and he’ll escort you. If you don’t show by dawn, we’ll assume you have changed your mind. Say your goodbyes and I hope to see you soon.” She leans in and hugs me close. I’m startled, but quickly recover and mimic the gesture.

  “You too,” I answer.

  She ends the hug and leaves. I watch until she vanishes with the older merman and, when she’s gone, my gaze lands on Nerio. He nods once and I quickly turn my back on him to swim for shore. Once again, my life is about to be altered drastically.

  Chapter Twelve

  At home I’m a nervous wreck.

  The decision I have to make is daunting, and while I know in my heart what it will be, it’s not easy to let go. I want to meet my dad. That’s what it boils down to. If I can’t find a place to fit into his world, at least I can say I tried. God, it feels as if I’m choosing between my parents. If I pick one, I lose the other.